It is time to look back at digital technology in 2025 and make light of it. This review will be arranged much like the Oscars, with awards in various categories. Just as in past years, there are three criteria for the dozen awards this year:• The award must involve digital technology, such as viral videos or crazy communications technologies• The key event must have taken place this year, 2025.• The award cannot take itself seriously. The event receiving attention must lend itself to sass, sarcasm, and ridicule.
Reiterating what should be obvious, the awards are worth nothing. Their only value is fifteen seconds of fleeting fame on this blog post.
Are you excited? As a preview, this year’s awards include numerous annual awards, such as Best Supporting Actor, Best Fiction, the Dr. Doolittle Award, the Best Meme Award, and the James Bond Award. There are several new awards this year as well. Taylor Swift will win something, and so will OpenAI. Lepidopterists will also be honored, and there will be a moment of remembrance for Skype. Also, please be assured that no prize will be awarded to Elon Musk, as he is disqualified for taking himself too seriously.
With that, let’s start. As with the Oscars, we begin with the Best Supporting Actor and Actress. This year, the best supporting actor goes to songwriter Aubierre Rivaldo Taylor. He is the creator of the AI singer Breaking Rust, who has a No. 1 country single, “Walk the Walk.” Music has come a long way from the days of Milli Vanilli lip-syncing others’ vocals. Now, everyone plainly admits that there is a false front. There is even an AI-generated image of the artist, who vaguely resembles the Marlboro Man without a cigarette, showing just how much progress society has made. I look forward to the live tour.
For the female category, the award must go to Eline Van der Velden, Dutch comedian and owner of the production company Particle6, which operates its own AI talent studio (yes, a talent studio just for AI), again, underscoring how far we have come in such a short time. Eline created Tilly Norwood, the most polarizing new AI actress introduced this year. Why do so many actors feel threatened by Tilly? For one, Eline gives Tilly an ageless preternatural look that falls somewhere between Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) and Miss Teen USA. In addition, Tilly can have a British accent or a soft, sweet US-neutral accent. The accent. Yeah, that’s it. Tilly is getting all that attention because of her voice.
The next award is for Best Movie. This category is conventional, but the winner is anything but. The award goes to Javier. Javier is one strange dude. If you missed his films, take a moment on TikTok to watch their weirdness. Javier’s movies have a simple premise: He is from the near future (i.e., 2027), and he wakes up to find everybody gone. Yes, you did not misread. Somehow, he is coming back to our time and showing us what the world will look like after we all pass away from some sort of apocalypse. They are strangely alluring films, even if the details behind the science of time-travel are a tad sketchy. Just suspend disbelief and go with it. His movies primarily feature empty streets in major cities with heavy dust and blowing debris. He also has eight million followers. Yes, eight million is plenty for any cousin of Cassandra, so he deserves an award just for getting an audience. Also, the film editing is strong, which predicts Best Picture. Still, I cannot help but ask about one minor detail: In the future apocalypse, where does Javier get electricity to power the video cameras?
In the age of fake news, there are many nominees for Best Fiction. The winner is a Christmas market at Buckingham Palace. Wait, what? Is this an annual event? Um, no. This never took place. It is all made up. Watch the video. It is so convincing that it lured many tourists to visit the gates to see what was up. As it turns out, nothing was up, except for the changing of the guard and a small pop-up shop in the Royal Mews. That’s it? A fake video to encourage people to go to a makeshift gift shop? *sigh*
Honorable mentions in this category deserve some attention. This goes to the person who maintains a database of AI-generated hallucinations in legal filings. And a special commendation goes to the writer at the Chicago Sun-Times who wrote a feature on the best summer books; many were AI-generated fiction. Hey, all you AI startups out there, are you looking for a business idea? How about a tool that checks to see whether a lawyer cites an actual or fictitious case, or a writer cites an actual or fictitious book?
The Dr. Doolittle Award. Every year, an award goes to the most interesting use of digital technologies in the service of some bit of zoology, which, as a reminder, also includes entomology. In the unlikely event that you need an additional vocabulary word, the winners are a team of lepidopterists from several universities and non-profit organizations. The lepidopterists developed a small antenna and attached it to a monarch butterfly. It is powered by a small solar cell and affixed to the thorax with eyelash adhesive. Read that slowly. This seems utterly impossible. Amazingly, it enables the scientists to map the routes the Monarchs take as they seek warmer pastures in the winter.
Anyway, this got me wondering. What do these lepidopterists do for a second act? I have a suggestion. This team has an opportunity to test one of the oldest scientific principles and puzzles. They can observe a butterfly flap its wings, right? How about this? They should send a team abroad, record a butterfly flapping its wings in China, and then determine whether it causes hurricanes in the Caribbean. That would be a grand experiment, don’t you think?
Every year, an award goes out for the Best Internet Meme. Why? Short answer: Because the internet needs to stay young at heart. Success needs to be celebrated. Long answer: Every year, someone manages to do something that inspires the online collective brain to invent irreverent, creative memes and bring a smile to the world. The world needs smiles, so it is worth our time.
Alright, let’s get to it. This year, the award goes to Astronomer’s former CEO and HR head, Andy Byron, and Kristin Cabot, who inspired others with their KissCam antics at a Coldplay concert. Later details surfaced that Kristin had already separated from her spouse, so everything fell on Andy, who, um, lost his job. That inspired many low-brow but creative memes. Here is a sampling:
An honorable mention goes to the firm Astronomer, which ran an ad with Gwyneth Paltrow, the ex-wife of Coldplay’s Chris Martin. With tongue firmly in cheek, Paltrow became a “spokesperson on a very temporary basis” for Astronomer and made a short, irreverent commercial. She thanks everyone for the surge in interest in Astronomer, briefly highlights a few of the questions they have been receiving, such as “How is your social media team holding up?” and assures them, “Yes, Astronomer is the best place to run Apache Airflow.” It is brilliant. It is worth a minute of your time.
The Bear Necessity Award. While we are on the topic of preserving the irreverent spirit of the internet, we need to give an award to Mike Fitz, former park ranger at Katmai National Park, for initiating Fat Bear Week. Why? Because it is overdue. Now in its eleventh year. Fat Bear Week is a pointless, silly contest. Park rangers maintain cameras at Katmai, a national park in Alaska, so the entire world can waste time watching bears feeding on salmon. To be sure, it is a bit gory, gruesome, and grizzly to watch a salmon in its last moments being torn apart by a large wild bear. Still, setting that aside, the whole point is to watch these animals safely from a distance and revel in nature. Yep, let’s watch their instinctual impulse to fill up before hibernating, much like a wayward uncle at Thanksgiving. It is hard to look away. This year, the winner is a bear named “Chunk”. He weighs 1200 pounds. (This is an estimate. Nobody put him on a scale.) He has a broken jaw, and no one is quite sure how he got it. He deserves to win for playing through the injury. Here is a picture of him. Whoa. That is not a dude you want to meet on the front line of Chicago’s football team.
Young Frankenstein award. It’s alive! It’s alive! Is this a comedy, a tragedy, or maybe a slow-motion train wreck? What genre is it? A hero action movie, a drama, a horror flick, or perhaps a parody of a dramatic horror flick? And to announce the award, here comes Frau Blucher (neeeeeeeighhhhhhh).
This year, the award goes to OpenAI. Do you really need an explanation? Alright, let us count the ways. First, OpenAI finally completed its restructuring of its complex hybrid governance model. It is a monster, and so legally and managerially convoluted that only one aspect matters: Sam Altman retains complete discretion. Second, OpenAI has convinced many investors to pour hundreds of billions into building massive data centers, which has generated a widespread fear of missing out among the financial elite, and may cause a monster financial bubble. (Look, yours truly, ever the techno-optimist, believes the future of frontier AI holds incredible promise. However, that is not a license to pursue monstrously bad economics.) Finally, we have to mention the monster one-billion-dollar deal with Disney. OpenAI will pay Disney $1 billion, allowing Sora users to create 30-second videos featuring Disney characters without violating copyright. This deal includes several restrictions to ensure the resulting content is tasteful. Why does anybody think this deal will just generate anything other than a bunch of tasteful, legal, mediocre slop? It all seems like a wish upon a star.
The Mamma Mia Award. Taylor and Travis are getting married! Woohoo! The country’s most eligible football player and most eligible mega-popstar are engaged! Taylor and Travis received this award for their Instagram post announcing their engagement, which garnered more than 31 million likes. Good for them for finding love in this crazy world, and for allowing 31 million to share in it. What a fairy tale, and just perfect for a podcast as well as People Magazine. Here is the key point: there are many songs to choose from for their walk down the aisle and first dance. Because Taylor has completed her music buybacks this year, she can now play both the old and new versions of a song! Taylor definitely should play her latest hit, “The Fate of Ophelia.” It is not very subtle, as Taylor appears to be thanking Travis for helping her avoid a nunnery. Still, it is a catchy tune. But I digress.
Back to the key point: There has not been a wedding this culturally focal since Queen Victoria’s daughter, Princess Royal (yes, that was her name). That wedding introduced the Western world to “Here Comes the Bride” by Wagner, and after that, it became a staple of weddings for the next century. By that benchmark, the globe is about to experience one of the most significant cultural touchpoints: Taylor Swift will choose songs for her own wedding. It will be added to a Spotify playlist and become the new standard for brides worldwide.
Think of the improvements this will bring to so many weddings. After that silly movie, Mamma Mia!, everybody got stuck on ABBA songs at weddings. Look, it is ok to play “Dancing Queen” during the reception, but please, anything else is too much. Who thought it was a good idea to play “I’ve been waiting for you” and “I do. I do. I do. I do?” Please. Anything else. I am so looking forward to learning Taylor’s choices.
The James Bond Award is an annual award, but this year it could have been renamed for Casino Royale, after the 1967 misfit of a parody of a James Bond movie. The award goes to The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg, who published a story about being accidentally included in the Signal chat as US government officials discussed sensitive details of the bombing of Houthi positions before the bombings took place. What was more foolish – to have the conversation in front of the editor of The Atlantic, or to have this conversation about top-secret matters on Signal at all, even though it is not secure? There is an old saying. When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus.
Alright, it is time for what seems like an annual award for making sassy fun of something in the US government. This year, it is called The Ministry has Fallen Award, named for a scene from Harry Potter. Explanation: Long ago, cryptocurrency had fallen far short of the ideals envisioned by libertarian techno-idealists. Credible reporters who do their homework have shown that a big corner has become a currency exchange cesspool, becoming the primary tool for money laundering by those wishing to escape scrutiny, particularly the North Korean government, Asian-based drug traffickers, and Russian Oil ships evading international sanctions. Any sane government would be finding ways to discourage such activity. But, of course, the sane ship sailed. The US government has completely taken its hands off of crypto. Why? Because meme coins. This would be comic if it were not so tragic.
In so many words, it is now possible to buy some Trump-meme coins. This is a new business for the US royal family, created after the election, and owned entirely by them. How does a meme coin work? It actually doesn’t. It is not possible to purchase anything with them except a politician. And it’s a rigged business: any transaction with the coins generates fees that go directly into the owner’s pocket. Here is the best part: none of the purchases can be tracked or documented. That makes meme coins ideal for untraceable favors, donations, and gifts, particularly from lobbyists representing foreign governments. This has been widely reported, and the best estimate so far is that the family has earned over $700 million in fees and holds several billion in virtual assets. Where is the humor in this? There is an old sarcastic joke: If you think this is an honest business, I have a bridge to sell you.
The funnier question is, “Who put that kind of money into these meme coins?” No one knows for sure, but nobody is guessing that the MAGA faithful put up hundreds of millions of dollars. Can we say, “Favors for sale?” Hmmm, let’s see. Trump has made many suspicious pardons, including Binance’s founder, Changpeng “CZ” Zhao, who was convicted of money laundering in his crypto exchange. He now helps the family with their meme coin business. What a coincidence.
As the saying goes, there is a fine line between farce and fecklessness.
The previous award was all sass and sarcasm, but a bit of a downer. We need an award with a pick-me-up, especially some absurd comedy. This next award is called the Life Imitates Art Award. In this case, the art is Andor. Season 2, which came out this spring on Disney+. Season 1 is sort of slow, but Season 2 is the best writing ever in the Star Wars Universe. The series focuses on the small acts of human resistance against advancing, bureaucratically imposed, militarily enforced, suffocating fascism. The writers downplay the Star Wars mythology and emphasize the daily human struggles of people who gradually lose their freedom to a heavy-handed government. The series makes no attempt to relate it to contemporary events. (I swear. Really. Nada.) But life has a way of imitating art, which is why the newly named award goes to the individual in the Subway Sandwich viral video.
Some detail. His name is Sean Charles Dunn. He is a former Department of Justice paralegal. Frustrated by all the new law enforcement in DC, he threw a Subway Sandwich at a Federal officer in August, just after they invaded, er, showed up to, um, assist with local policing. All of this would have disappeared into the abyss of trivial events, except that it was captured on video and went viral. Nobody with good sense could calm things down, and prosecutors felt they had to bring charges. From the outset, the prosecution looked like overkill, and it generated lots of online memes about how any grand jury would indict a ham sandwich. Except that the grand jury did not. The prosecutors could not convince a grand jury to issue a federal indictment. Why? Because, um, ridiculous. Really. Who is threatened by a flying sandwich? The crust was not even toasted, and the officer is wearing body armor. Egged on by the ravenous few and not content to stop there, the prosecutors reduced the charge to a misdemeanor assault, and Dunn stood trial in November. You might have thought this was a straightforward case, since the prosecutors have a video of the alleged assault. Well, no. The jury acquitted Dunn. Why? It is worthwhile to repeat this again. Because, um, ridiculous.
The lesson? Gosh, it was a good idea to enshrine in the Constitution the right of a suspect to a jury of peers. Smart dudes, those founders. Lin-Manuel Miranda ought to make a musical about them.
Are you still reading? Thanks for such endurance! Time for the last award, which recalls those who were once with us. We honor them with the Sunset Blvd Award. This year, the award goes to Skype, which was officially retired in May, more than twenty-two years after its release. The younger generation has no idea what this is. Almost everyone of a certain age, however, remembers their first Skype video call with some degree of sentimentality. It was magical. Not endlessly magical, but more like that first boyfriend or girlfriend who, in retrospect, did not quite work out. To be sure, there were moments of joy and fleeting excitement, especially at the beginning, but then communication started to drag. Too much trouble warming up the conversation, static responses at random moments interfered with getting a rhythm, and then, when you most depended on them, it was silence and unresponsiveness. To quote a famous line, “To fall in love with you, that was the idiotic thing.” It is behind us now. We have teamed up to meet the moment and zoomed in on better communication. After all, good communication is the key to a satisfying relationship.
This is the end, my friend. You have completed this year’s review. Thanks for reading until now. Have a wonderful year, remember to retain your sense of human decency, and please do not forget to occasionally stop, smile, and laugh at all the silly things people do with digital technology.