I was atop the SoTPC when I entered an extended stretch of bliss out where your body, breathing and pedaling are all in sync as music fills your head. It lasted most of the album I listed to—"The Fauves" by The Fauves.To be fair I have those moments because I am exercising—it's not an inverse reaction to trauma—but if you had said to me ten years ago you are going to do daily exercise and occasionally bliss out on it I'd have brayed pizza at you in mocking laughter.
Articles from Harrangue Man
I decided to wear my fancy new dress shoes for my sixth ping chat but it proved a dodgy choice—we ended up trekking up a hill, including along a well-worn "made by people" path through bare earth and foliage, to reach the café for the meet. Plus, being narrow and new, the shoes compressed the sides of my broad feet and they ached like a m'fo.Hilariously the cat I was meeting with appeared to be wearing the exact brand of black with pink piping sneakers I normally wear.Gold; I dressed up for a
One of the effects of medication and psychological injury is dropping things; my fingers spring open of their own accord and whatever I am holding falls. I just dropped my dinner. Sure, it was just toast but it dropped onto the kitchen floor and, well, that toast is toast.That's the bullshit I have to put up with for being injured.
I didn't blow my horn but I did lose my cool. I had a in-the-car rant, a wobbly moment as promised by my psych, and then I got confused and angered by road works while trying to get a park. It took 30 minutes to find a spot. I ended up finding a park, presuming it a staff-only spot, but too broken to give a shit and left.Panicked, heaving, total composure lost. Rage and fright consumed me as I cooked off, in the car and out. Then I got lost in a maze of corridors and my anxiety built.
I got the laptop synced with our email so I don't have to port thumb drives to and from. Email on the laptop hasn't worked since 2011.As part of phase two I'm going to "get busy" in this here shed and the laptop currently is faster than our ancient PC (to be refreshed).Multiple devices all in sync to support Mikey in the GLF. I feel enhanced; like tingling all over.
I had a farewell from the team that hosted me on my return to work. They surrounded me with love when I came in shattered and crying and surrounded me with love on the way out. I had an awesome last day and enjoyed tear-inducing thanks and deep recognition. It was the greatest goodbye I have ever received and I got to leave knowing I'd done an awesome job.Now that's a fucking career coda.GLF phase one is complete; bring on phase two. WFTW.
It's an amazing thing to enjoy self-actualisation and anxiety. That you can recognise your worth in spite of afflicted brain chemistry and physiological reaction to mental injury.So I have these wobbles, like yesterday's juddering horror, but once I am through them I am back to my heroic, actualised self.
A three-year-old started screaming outside the lift at a shop and I was just outside. There was a ramp to the ground but it led past the screaming child or there was the steep stair. The screaming triggered an anxiety attack.My knees are failing, sometimes they feel they'll snap at any second, and so going up and down stairs is a painful challenge. Made all the more challenging for having to do it with my fingers in my ears and without benefit of the railing.
My habit of swearing in a G-rated fashion copped some gentle teasing after I dropped a "biscuits!" and R— said "Woah, what's with all the crusty talk?!"But I am a professional and I try not to drop anything more than a "shit" unless I am describing something heinous—and I'll forewarn that some adult language will be coming if that is the case.Once the GLF begins I'll have to further retard any salty sea talk until I find my sea legs on whatever ship takes me.
With thanks to Futurama.I'm in this weird place of anxiety and excitement, of stress and hope, and of worry and calm. It's an insane collection of emotions to having running at once. It feels a bit like "Death ... by snu-snu!" At least that's how I described it to R— and being a Futurama fan she got exactly what I meant.The GLF; it's a funky ride.