Blogotariat

Oz Blog News Commentary

Articles from Harrangue Man

Paperclip cut

November 24, 2020 - 19:35 -- Admin

In the trenches of bureaucracy a risk of a paper cut still remains high in spite of digital first preference. 

I had to leaf though 300 booklets to check I'd inserted a paperclip in each correctly and in bending an inside straight bit on one I jammed it under my right index nail.

A paperclip cut; that's like breakdance fighting.

Novelty licence plate does the trick.

November 24, 2020 - 19:25 -- Admin

I have a fat, hairy back. When it's sweaty it itches.

I needed to deal with that in situ on a stationery bike and the most apt to hand device was my novelty DAD ROCKS licence plate---display only, the metal too thin for actual (and illegal) use.

But that very weakness was at the core of its admitted utility as a scratcher as the slender plate could flex then whip-scrape across the afflicted slurry of sweaty back hair and skin bringing gushing of relief. 

PoS

November 21, 2020 - 21:07 -- Admin

I grew up as a PoS; and there’s no real need to break that out. But I did. From about eight or nine my life went fully man-tits up. Like, Holy Shit, that’s some fucking messed-up shit.

Now I am a white male and with location and money am in the top three per cent of world wealth earnings and as The Crown so artfully reminds us we are in danger of forgetting our status when whining about bullshit we deal with during our en-rule from dawn to fucking dusk.

Rage against the elderly machine

November 21, 2020 - 20:10 -- Admin

I got mad at my old laptop for not working even though it's over ten years old and at 97 per cent memory used. I had to send a stressful ping that I'd promised my future self I'd do and then now self had to do it and the very old machine would not co-operate.

I got so mad my partner hid behind a locked door. I don't blame her.

Scared

November 4, 2020 - 21:13 -- Admin

Four years ago we experienced going down the "wrong trouser leg of time" (1). Here we are and it's 2020 and what if we go down the wrong leg again? 

When Sean Connery died the first thought was that what a shame he died before he knew the result.Then what if his departure was sensibly timed? What if his Scottish senses were tingling and he was "Fuck this; I'm oot!"? because Trump was lettin' the tartan team doon?(2)

Toe-fingered the remote

November 2, 2020 - 21:36 -- Admin

(A testicle is harmed in this story, the identity is named near the end)

My body is shabby like and I don't like to move so I couldn't hand over the remote.

So I toe-fingered it across. Off went a sock, remote slotted 'tween bose and index then I reached out my foot.

I was proud of my work but at the height of my gloat my cat trod on a testicle.

It was the left one.

Pages