We live in a world of noise. In a house the loudest noise is a door slam.No one was doing intentionally, but each time a door closed of its own accord through kinetic energy instead of being shut quietly my upside-down brain went "RAAAAAGH!"So I've taken Valium and have ear protection on. I will not go into the city as normal for a Saturday; I will stay home.The genesis is the horror I had to go through then suffer deflation at the result.
Articles from Harrangue Man
I had to collect data and it's not available. As I refreshed I hoped it wouldn't be there.And it wasn't.Before it happened my legs were shot through with panic tingle. It's an odd combination, fear-based mild bodily sensation in the lower limbs. I didn't want to do it and now I don't have to; yet. Hooray for the break but boo for the leg scare.Stupid work injury to an already wonky body and mind.
I woke and played with my facial wound, ripping at it for about ten minutes before logic Mikey took over.It was only ten minutes so not too much damage done. But that I did it still irks me. I went nearly two days without having at it but when I did break I stopped after ten. Then I showered, dressed the wound and hopefully I won't break and fall back into facial mutilation. If the face is the window to the soul then I am inside the house chucking rocks through it.
I felt the urge to have at my face and my finger slid under the band-aid. I touched it twice before logic Mikey took over, marched himself to the bathroom, tore off the sagging band-aid, applied cream and put on a new dressing.I won a battle against myself. I wanted to but I didn't and then I went to make sure I could not.So probing finger denied; and no lost time this time given I'm usually unconscious when probing happens.Lousy aliens ... with their music...
As a mentally inured person I have to take steps to control inner torment people without depression, anxiety and PTSD can never know. Part of that control is savouring simple things.In a mad, late-night dash to get a cable I got the chickens three corn cobs. This morning, to keep the sads at bay, I split a cob into three and gave it to them.I sat in the shade on an IKEA stool and watched and listened to them eating contently as cool air played about my body.It was Zen.
The hell work failed to get traction and it's left me deflated. It's not for nought, it just didn’t happen how I hoped and the future is uncertain.But I tried. In the end if you can say that then it's still a win, just not in a real and legally-binding sense.Quoth Popeye "I yam what I yam". And this yam will keep yamming. Just via another way is all.WFTW.UPDATE: parts of my left arm, hand and fingers spasmed intermittently throughout the day. That was a new one.
Because I'm not allowed to dance or exercise with stitches in I have to sit instead of stand when in the shed. I play music to keep demons at bay.During exams or tutorials a stress release was a leg would quiver. I had little control once it started. In one tutorial a friend slapped my leg and held it down because it was too distracting. Because of "... the horror ... the horror..." I've been dealing with stress.
I spend a fair chunk of days watching YouTube music clips so I see a lot of ads; well, partial. I skip when I can. There was one for a piano store offering a "Back to school!" special on upright pianos. That did not ting true to your typical back to school tat experience which is usually a backpack and stationery. "Have you got your backpack?""Yes, Mum.""Your new pencil case and pencils?""Yes, Mum." "Upright piano?""Yes, Mum".See? That last bit does not make sense.
Being the first generation of a long line of British people whose job was to oppress the rights of those in the pink bits of the globe the empire said was theirs I am acutely conscious my ancestors were not morally great. At the time—sure!