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Where's my leaf 'n' twig at?

June 15, 2022 - 11:47 -- Admin

I’ve been using an app called Arise to track my calories for the last few weeks, and I discovered the little data tab last night, which led me to this terrifying visualisation.

My nutrient sources for the last month.

The Carman’s item at number two is a high-protein porridge I get in my tummy every morning just before walking the dogs, usually with a half-scoop of the protein powder you can see a bit further down.

The ‘Muscle Chef Chunky’ is their Chunky Chocolate Popcorn bite, which is the only protein snack I know of that doesn’t taste of stale arse.

A little embarrassing to find those British pork bangers in there, but in my defence, they’re not actually British. That’s the closest thing in the database to my local butcher’s hand-rolled snags.

Even more embarrassing is the total lack of leaves and twigs. I’ve been eating a shit ton of leaf and twig, man. I usually get two boxes of salad from Botanica each week because my idea of homemade salad never exceeded the basic pub offering of lettuce and tomato. But I guess there’s not as many calories in a box of high-class cud and spendy chaff as in a sausage.