So, who are the lippy ones now? No sooner had the hubbub died down after Indian opener Virender Sehwag last week accused the Australians of cheating in January’s Sydney Test, then up pops left-armer Zaheer Khan to claim the Australians have got a pop-gun attack. And that Ponto’s boys played too defensively in the opening Test in Bangalore. And that he has put the old snake-charmer’s hex on Matthew Hayden.

Strewth, I thought it was the job of the Aussie boys to dish out the verbal stuff: Glenn McGrath routinely nominating his bunny before the start of every series; Shane Warne slamming Graeme Smith, Pat Symcox, Daryll Cullinan (bit of a South African theme developing here), Paul Collingwood, Ian Bell, Arjuna Ranantunga or (fill in any one of a multitude of names here); and Hayden himself puffing his chest out and sounding off about something or other.

So what’s going on here? The Indians, like the teetotaller whose been dragged to the pub and got a couple of strong shandies under his belt, have come out all Dutch courage and swinging.

But, I hate to say this, Zaheer may have a point. It is awfully hard to see how the Australians can bowl out India twice. Taking 10 wickets on those roads that pass for Indian pitches is hard enough. Taking 20 will require not just the guile of Warne but the patience of Gandhi.

Before the series started, I thought Lee, Johnson, Clark and Watson, with Bryce McGain as a handy but inexperienced back-up, might have been able to emulate the team’s feats in 2004 when they won the last series in India.

But Clark was clearly injured and below his best in the first Test and, given the state of his elbow, may not even play in the next one, starting Friday. And McGain’s replacement, Cameron White, is a heck of a good cricketer but a frontline Test spinner he aint. Neither is Michael Clarke. The Indian batsmen can play both with a toothpick.

So after the shine comes off the new ball, where’s the penetration? Where’s the deviation? Where are those unplayable deliveries? And where, in Vishnu’s name, will the 20 wickets come from? Answers on the back of a postcard, please.