I don't know if any of you out there are users of MySpace's video service (a.k.a. YouTube-Was-Horning-In-On-Our-Territory-Vision) but if you are you should hope never to have any of your videos featured on MySpace's main page.
Yes, I can hear you. You're saying, "What? But MySpace is the utmost of exposure for my videos! I could get my face and voice and abilities and talents out to hundreds of thousands of people!" Yes, but what we forget is one very important fact and a base fact of life:
APPROXIMATELY 78% OF ALL PEOPLE WHO USE THE INTERNET ARE DANGEROUSLY STUPID.
No joke. Take for instance, the current video on MySpace's main page:
Monster Face
Yeah, it's pretty okay, right? Some kind of special effects test and not a bad one either, considering the fact that it was probably an amateur job. But let's see some of the reactions it has received from MySpace's demographic users or habitual featured video browsers. Let's start off with this gem from "Robert Wolfshead Dark Artist" (hailing from the Seventh Circle of Hell in France):
"Whooah , nice job there ! Sadly he ends up looking like my next door neighbours , oh the horror ! lol"
Yeah, that's some real champagne wit there, Wilde. The horror indeed. Next we shall carry on to the comment left by "Þ|âŸßôŸ" (who seems to be a 17 year old white gangsta boy, or possibly a group of 17 year old white gangsta boys):
"shitz hot how u did dat"
Demonstrating a lack of understanding of the most basic elements of rudimentary English that would probably make even the darkest recesses of Gumtree cringe. I imagine he did it with special programs on his computer. Or special drugs. Yeah, take heaps of drugs, kid(s). Cool shit like this will happen.
"THE ITSY BITZY SPIDER" writes:
"your video is dumb as fuck and there was no point in watching it i saw ceep porn better than that gay video sorry make a new one thats actually good if u dont like my comment"
Allow me to translate into English. "I did not like your video so much. I found that I was not awarded for the time I invested into it, and I am sorry if my comment upsets you. Perhaps if it does, you can make a video that I actually will like!" Furthermore, I will pay moist fondlings to anyone who can tell me what the hell "ceep porn" is.
Here, I think, is the best of the group; from "Sha'KaeyLireh":
"LMFBAO!! One time some stoopid lil white boy done sneak inna da kennel wid my pits! They be hungry on account a they had a fight dat week so they been fastin. Shoulda seen how they tore dat kid up! LOL! Looky just like dis video at da end! HAHHAHA!!"
"Rachael Anger" (certainly no misnomer): "One of these days Sha'KaeyLireh you are going to get your ass beat by some white girl. And I know that you think your bad, but I am battle trained of hand to hand and sword combat, so what I am saying is that you never know who you are fucking with."
But yes. MySpace video people; be happy that the Almighty Tom has not cast his light upon thee; for thou do not know what horrors that light bring.
Incidentally, if anyone can be bothered scrolling through the other comments and find any worth laughing at, I'll be scouring the comments.
