I shit you not. Someone actually said this to me on MSN yesterday:

'...its all about your name though, like people don't talk to me if my name isn't great'

Just stop and think about that for a second. There are actually people out there who think like this, so self involved they wouldn't know how to open their front door without the correct amount of bobby pins precisely plotted in their hair. Yes I refer to the female audience here and its because their a serial culprit of the point I'm about to make.

I'm an avid MSN Messenger fan, due to my use of it at an early age its grown into the stems of my mind and it wont go away. Where there's a computer I'm using, there's MSN and its not so much that I feel the need to talk to people constantly to somehow prove my worth, but because online communication between the people I know has become ridiculous, so much so that we have to turn socialism into an online forum. Now I can stand talking to many people, the bonus about MSN is if you choose to not talk to someone, there's no awkward moment where you have to slowly pick your beer up off the bar and somehow turn your back to them without the aforesaid asshole thinking your a complete prick, but when it gets to the stage like above theres only a certain amount one man can take.I fucking hate this constant obsession that teenage girls seem to have cramming their name with as much shit as possible. Guaranteed if you talk to these people, the first sentence to flash on your screen will contain the word 'lol' have 5-too many 'i's on the end of 'thanks' and about 6-7 hundred smiley face emoticons on average. To warn you of the near dangers of these painful assholes, I've collected a series of MSN names to avoid:

1. The 'Shoutout'

Description: This is the most common name you'll see, the MSN user that feels the need to say a constant hello to every single person in his name just in case they're not thinking about him/her, which then leads him/her to be ostracised from the group for not 'following the rules'. Please.

Reason: Usually self-importance. Tossers like this put funny things to go with it in their names so people will open a window and ask 'omg, why does ur arm hurt?!' No one cares retard, nor do we give a shit about who your 'duds' are. Want me to meet your friends? Go to a bar, or better yet, spare the introduction and just run into a bar because if your friends are anything like you, I'd prefer to take a steel-toed worker boot worn by a guy named Nancy to the groin.

2. The 'Inspirational'

Description: Lets say your sitting at your computer, feeling happy and inspired and you see a quote that just melts your heart. What do you do? Keep it for yourself so it means something that only you can understand? Of course not, just slander it all over MSN in an effort for people to feel as great as you are.

Reason: Like I said, people feel great and they try to do it upon others. The stupid thing about these is they're all exactly the same, rhetorical and painful. Take the above for example; 'you only live once, so make it count'. Well fuck me Holmes, thank you for opening my eyes. I'll just head down to the cancer ward and divulge the tale of your uplifting quote to raise their spirits and put a smile on the old dial.

3. The 'Song Lyric'

Description: "Oh my god, its as if the singer is talking directly to me. I must let everyone know how this one lyric shapes who I am. Oh, cant forget to put note emoticons around the quote so people know for sure that its a song lyric!"

Reason: The same as the 'inspirational'. These people need to go jump of something high into something deep.

You want a fucking clue in the art of not looking like a dumbass? It's tricky I know, but...just look:

Wow. Your name, I know right! Why didn't YOU think of that!