According to the SMH ... "Be proud of what we've achieved - don't take any cheek from the other side." Read more »
When I was a kid I had water on the knees. The end result was by year seven I couldn't do sport. Not that I cared, I hated it, but I maintained a none too healthy eating pattern and fattened up like some sort of lovingly pampered cannibal snack pack. Read more »
Yes, that's right. He did. Not overtly. Subtly. O'Brien kept saying 'I guess we'll have to see you next Tuesday'. Well by kept, he said it twice. Gold. I wonder if Red Kezzer knows?
I was reading this article about two women who were accidentally served dishwashing liquid instead of wine when I came across this passage;Under New Zealand's no-fault accident law, victims do not sue for damages. Instead, treatment costs and income loss are met by the nation's Accident Compensation scheme. Read more »
Cyclone killed 10,000 in one town.If this happened in a western country we'd be glued to the TV, S11 style. Ironic huh? Assume 30k are dead that's x10 S11's loss. Read more »
Isn't it awsome that Australia's favourite snedger has managed to survive a leadership spill?Just how bad is it in the Liberal party that they cannot find someone acceptable to replace a leader that will forever have the words 'Chair Sniffer' applied to him? Read more »
Turns out when you spoon hot liquid fat into a cold sink the puddles quickly solidify and turn into hardened fatty deposits.Who would have thunk it?
I entered the white collar workplace world on the cusp of email becoming the norm. It's hard to believe that once upon a time email did not exist. Instead signed correspondence via inter office envelope was the standard. Now such missives are rare and generally high level because the high level people entered the workforce when email was not the norm and have still to adapt. Read more »
It's important to have a project on the weekend. That way when you complete it, or a chunk of it, you feel like you accomplished something other than watching all the TV you taped during the week.Speaking of chunks I decided mine was to really clean my teeth. Like super well. Floss, two brushings, more floss, really sparkle my ivories up.And I did! The beauty of it is that it only took 10 minutes. Read more »
Why do you have to repeat a shampoo treatment? Why isn't one application enough? This smacks to me of a conspiracy by shampoo makers to increase the use of their product.(HM was last seen being bundled into a really nice smelling hot pink stretch limo)
I just had my comments spammed by fucking botware. I thought making it google account only would have done the trick but I guess not.So alas word veri is back on lads. Sorry. I fucking hate word veri.
I rarely eat toast since my stomach operation since it has a tendency to get stuck. I have to trim the crusts off and cut it into soldiers and carefully chew them one at a time or it's ERRGGHH ERRRGGGGHH (vomit). Today I was one sliver off completing the consumption of two pieces. Reading my beloved SMH as I did so. The fork was descending for that last sliver when theWife decided to interrupt. Read more »
Well I decided I could risk stopping the SC badness a day early.Fucking hell I hate shower caps. I love the shower experience. The soft warm flow of water cascading sexy woman in a shampoo commercial style down over your head. It's almost spiritual.Shower caps do not enhance this experience. They detract from it. They suck in other words. Read more »
In an email to a finance area I realised I had asked them to 'more' the date forward. When they responded with a 'thanks, email noted' I felt I had to apologise for the typo.Obviously in the email I meant 'Move' not 'More'. That will teach me to rely on the spool checker.The thing is I laughed when I wrote it. Despite its obvious groanyiness.
Hello!!!!!How you today? I hope, that all at you is excellent!!!!!I have found your address in internet. You have interested as serious the man....!!!! I really would like you to learn better and closely!!!!! I think, that we could become with you simply soul mates!!!! Read more »
When placing a laptop in its case check you have zipped it up. Because otherwise when you pick it up the case will flap open and disgorge the laptop + extras on to the ground.Fucking hell that shat me.
Today I checked that the cold pack from the section first aid kit was still in the freezer.It was.It was also covered in shaving cream. For some reason some fuckhead had discharged half a can of shaving foam into the freezer. It didn't freeze. It was still airy and foamy - though on the frozen items it had become a paste like substance.I still have to ask what the point of that was.
I went to the local shops to get butter. As is the way with things I also bought two ice-creams and a bottle of Riccadona (for theWife). I mentioned BB was on to the 12 something clerk and then I went on a rant about what a twat Sanderlands was. At one point I suggested I'd be more likely to watch BB if John Howard was hosting. Then I started doing a Howard impression. 'Er ah um er now we'll cut to the house.'Cough ... coughcough. Read more »
Don't take my leftist word for it. Remember Morris Davis? He was the gung-ho prosecutor of David Hicks. He later resigned claiming undue political pressure was being placed on the prosecution to play unfair. He's now appearing for the defence in an upcoming trial.See the Time article here. Read more »
What an awesome friggin' series. You know a series is good when you happily watch 4-5 eps in a row. Quality TV. Well worth watching.Unfortunately it died after two seasons. Damn you executives! Damn you all to hell!
There's ads on the local station for this place. It's a skin care clinic. First up let me say having an unsightly skin condition in today's modern appearance obsessed society would suck manky biscuits. So kudos to taking this on.Unfortunately the tag line on one of their commercials is 'literally turn back the clock.' Read more »
People Skills has been out and about in media land today piously declaring he wasn't in politics for the money and that a previous whinge he had was a jocular rejoinder (ironic considering they accused Garrett of lying about his hilarious Price conversation during the election).Check out the SMH article here.Here's a snippet Read more »
Yep, guilty as charged. I keep books in the toilet. My latest read is the official biography of Arthur C Clarke. Of course it was written 16 years before he died.So what's yours? What do you have in your toilet for sittin' time readin' fare?HM wants to know.UPDATE Not actually in the toilet like say an alcho keeps a hip flask in the cistern. Just the room that surrounds it. Does it have a name?
Let me check ... yes ... I think we have an erection. No, wait, turns out it was just a pencil.
TheNoo has discovered that when he pumps his little legs in the bath he can splash daddy. Soak daddy in fact. And fuck me if it isn't funny.He now is ... the Splashdicator.
Hooray! Finally proof that you choose who you happen to get a yang for. Turns out it is a choice because Singers fined a TV station for showing a gay family unit in a normative way and therefore promoting TEH GAYS as a lifestyle choice. Read more »
Turns out this blog has the No. 1 google ranking for Kancer Kids.Whoops...
From yesterday's CrikeyUS08: The Terminatrix is here (and eyeing off Pennsylvania)
US correspondent Guy Rundle writes: Read more »
Me to supervisor. 'Oh you know how dodgy those romances are. They're all like "Greedily he sought her embrace, eagerly pursuing her insert-orifice-here with his mouth".'Yeah ... not a good time to go the insert option on that one.
Supervisor to HM'HM, I'm sorry to say but all that (horrid work) that was coming your way cannot be done at your level. It has to be done at the boss+ level.'HM to supervisor.'Damn, that was a developmental opportunity...' Read more »
Dodgy robot picks up "great" Belushi news from HM.UPDATE: Reference.com references Harrangueman.
Yes another Fox Po from HM today.I was talking to a colleague on the phone. I had half a chocolate in my mouth. It was a Bertie Beetle chocolate (or somesuch - one of those not for individual sale job lots my social club individually sells).So I said sorry for having a mouth of chocolate when I talked to her. Read more »
Check out his effort here are the Australians for a Constitutional Monarchy lunch.Holy cats what a fuckstick. Keating hasn't been in government for 11 years yet there he is - OOOOOOOOOOOO Keating! He's back!'Alexander Downer. It's things like this that underscore my happiness that you and your berefit of intelligence government was kicked to the curb. Read more »
... did.Remember when I nearly fed the uber boss some length?Well today I am headed down the corridor and I see him coming. I have a client with me. For some reason my brain shrieked at me to say something. He looks like he's about to head for the lifts so I think I am on safe ground. I say 'sorry about squashing you in the toilets'. Read more »
Hollywood, California; Elder actor's actor John Lithgow, renowned master of stage and screen, has been cryogenically frozen in anticipation of future fire and brimstone clergy roles in up coming movies given his mastery of the art-form in both Footloose and Kinsey. Read more »
Hello!My name is Alexandra!I addressed in agency acquaintances. When I have specified, how Isearch for type of the man. Me have told to approach in 1 week. When Ihave again come to agency of acquaintances, to me have told yours Read more »
Which in the public service would be sufficient grounds for an equity themed investigation and severe wrist slapping.It went down like this.There was a bit of smoke in the air today - it's Autumn in Canberra after-all - and the lovely ladies from around the corner were clustered around the social club fridge.Naturally I asked if they were escaping from the smoke. Read more »
I'm going to put it in writing here and now.I don't mind Brendan Nelson.Yes, I know, it's a shocking thing to say. But if you read his stuff, read about his "listening tours", and so forth gone is the repellent free market is king, nig nogs should shut up, brown people are evil, generally blinkered unpleasant hard right crap that the Liberal party had been infected with under Howard et al. Read more »
Here's a fun game. When you call someone and you leave a voicemail, and then they call you back and leave one and so on and so forth, see how many messages you can get through before someone says 'phone tag'.I don't know why but 'phone tag' as a jocular work communication message shits me up the fucking wall. Fucking phone tag. It's so ... inane. Read more »
As punters know next door I have a dude who owns dogs. We've met once I think when I lent him my lawn mower. We'd planned to have a BBQ at some point except it never happened.He owns a pair of Rottweilers. A few times since we've been here one or more has gotten out. They are big fuck off angry dogs. Read more »
Needed: left over BBQ chicken, peas, cheese, a couple of potatoes.1) Par microwave the potatoes for around five to six minutes. Slice them up, put them in frying pan with some butter. Space them out. Fry them for about 20 mins (flipping them when brown).2) Pull apart left over chicken so there are no bones. Chuck chicken in the frying pan3) Nuke a cup of peas for three minutes Read more »
Don't you hate it when you have an operation and you get given medicine to have three times a day for three days after it and you forget to take it?Yep, I hate that. I only remembered when I dreamed about the bottle of said medicine that was rolling around the the green bag I took to the hospital.
"Nothing says comfort like a Wadd™ up your twot"Wadd™
According to his shaky cam Zoot effort. Actually so does Derryn Hinch.What an age we live in where B lister celebs are not afraid to go on camera and pitch products that make my stools firm yet yielding.I bet they'd be interested in my colonoscopy photos from a few years back. Maybe I will send them in.
There's this scene in the Hitchhiker books where one of Zaphod's mates discovers the planet of the pens, where pens from this universe escape to through micro-wormholes to live out a civilised existence. Apparently the friend ended up as a driver for a family of biros. Not many people believe him however a little later Zaphod had a very successful second hand pen business. If there was a press stud planet I would thermo-nuke it into a dessicated cinder. Read more »
I decided to check out Google Analytics to see what was what, because like every single other blogger on the planet I like it when people read my shit and wish to know more about numbers and so forth, when I noticed a sudden spike in activity.On 8 April my hit count doubled. This isn't a blowing horn exercise since doubling of fuck all is still mostly fuck all. This became more a 'why would that be?' exercise. Read more »
Well that was fun. Not. Got there at sparrows (had a lovely cabbie who unconsciously dropped the c_nt clanger when talking about fencing). Got into the backless gown (because they're working on my ears and they need to access my man breasts - actually I think it's in case I have a heart attack so prob fair enough). Read more »
Tomorrow I get my ear operation. Whoopie. Worst thing is that I have to be at the hospital at near sparrows. Why so early? I don't know. But it's just icing on a shit cake.Still by midday tomorrow I should be home. And I got Monday off in case I still have the ouchies so that's something. But I am tempted to stay up all night... except I have to fast shortly. Read more »
A girl in our section recently had a baby. Awwww. Cute baby too.Anyway my current boss asked if I wanted to see pics of her baby. I assumed it be some sort of back in time thing since I was aware the boss had adult children.So I go around and have a look. There on the screen is a aerobics hottie in the full flush of athletic female sexuality. Read more »
Don't you hate it when you accidentally cheese grater your knuckles?Luckily I didn't bleed on the cheese.
RE the judges.What a bunch of nasty judgmental etiquette obsessed snooty gappy toothed Dorian Gray portrait-esq dried up old bitches.
When your clothes come out of the dryer and they're static clinging to each other and you have to peel them off and they make that crackling noise when you do.Also, taking one in the nuts.
I mean, just how uncomfortable is that?
It's like rubber necking at a car accident. You can't help but look.
I just saw some fucked in the head promo for next week's show where they managed to get some Asian Australians (AA) declare their preference for speaking a language other than English in their day to day lives (though of course the AA's TT have found have "vowed" never to speak English and TT declares that they don't have to (boo - how can that be ?!), then finishes with some AA saying "no ... Read more »
Simply awesome. What fantastic tellie. Yes, gratuitous sex scenes galore but still fantastic stuff. I love the voice over narration of the female plod that bookends each ep. Great stuff. More! More!A special kudos to the script writers. Esp Felicity Packard. Who, now I think of it, was prob one of my tutors when I was doing fiction studies at UC.
Attention ladies. Are you aware that petrol stations, especially ones open to the wee hours, are concerned holis bolis for your vaggie pleasure? You're not? I don't blame you. Lacking the all important boy parts your would not be in the know that the vast bulk of petrol places in our brown land that offer condom vending services only stock frangers designed to accentuate your pleasure. Read more »
I was puffing down the stairs to the ground floor and this woman planning on going up wisely waited. So I decided to tell her that her decision was sound.'Yeah cos' I could bowel you over,' says I as the stairs rustled under me.I meant to say bowl. Not bowel. Read more »
At a recent directorate meeting the boss+ said he'd be away. I asked if someone was acting. He said no. He said that boss+ level stuff would just go to boss++.Without thinking I said 'so that means nothing will be done. It will just sit in their office not doing anything.'There was a nervous laugh, a long pause, and boss+ changed the topic. Read more »
Ever gotten drunk with a stranger then seen them around here and there years later? I was away for work a few years ago long term and, being 1,000 kays from home, patroned the local bar where other work type people hung out. I had fun.There were a lot of expats there and I hung out with them. On occasion I got rooted drunk. Sometimes I am fun to be around when a bit liquored up. Other times, not so much (cause I get funny angry only it's not funny to people around me). Read more »
Like when your boss gives you extra work and says its a "developmental opportunity"
In the public service mums on mat leave are expected to bring in their bub at some point for the oooo and the ahhhh. Well today theNoo came into my work. It was weird being a dude because I didn't know what the protocol on interrupting coworkers to see my spawn was, however it went pretty well. He's a cutie and everyone thought so with little prompting.Well maybe not the section near my desk where he upchucked on their carpet...
I love the background Mr former ALP unionist now head of the Liberal party has at his press speakies, the "we're l Read more »
Sydney, NSW; Area sex worker, Justin 'Nine Inches, Cut' Johansen, today destroyed budding artificially intelligent self mobile computer AISMC-09#a when Johansen reveled in conversation to the unit that he was the creator's brother and that he was a prostitute. Read more »
Recently our work had a round of el-cheapie vaccinations. So I decided to get one. My co-worker and I went up and elected to go into the conference room together (normally it's one patient at a time).I introduced him as my 'pain partner.' Then seconds later added 'we're not into S&M or anything.' Read more »
Continuing with the pig Latin theme (not really, but you know, sounds Latin but is not), today I had my third ever bout of post surgery vomiting up toast. Read more »
Okay the last ones are these. I will give a person involved in the movie and/or a genre as a clue.1) 'No, no, not at all. Could have been worse. Could have been called Hitler, Tampon, or something.'(A Richard Curtis Rom Com) Read more »
A while back I blogged about my horrible hairball vomiting cats. During the resultant comment discussions Sarah and Gam recommended the newspaper method. Read more »
On Sat I came home from a work trip. TheWife is away with theBoy visiting friends and her sister. So I had the house to myself.It wasn't until this morning I had discovered that I had left my toothbrush in Sydney. Read more »
Lately I've been getting spam mail ... from myself. Anyone know how to stop that apart from establishing rules in your Outlook to delete mail sent from yourself?
When you hear 'Transformers, robots in the sky' that you will not instead mentally replace the lyrics with 'Pink torpedo, thrusting at your eye'. That is my gift to you.
